The Big List of Bipin's SMS Jokes. Volume 1.

Ek Ladki Zor Zor say gaanaa gaa rahi thi
 
Mujhay Rang De
Mujhay Rang De
 
Ladki ki Maa ne usay Bahut maaraa
 
Kyun ?
 
??
 
?
 
?
 
??
 
Kyun ki Ladki
" TOTLI " Thi..

Guy to pimp: This time send me female with big boobs and small  hole.....!  Female arrives and asks: Are u the guy with the big mouth and small dick?

Santa proposd his BOSS's daughtr.
Boss:Jitni teri salary hai us main to meri beti k liye toilet papr bhi nhi aega.
Santa:Je inni potty krdi hai te fir rehn do!

Masterji:- pinku, A,B,C,D, se shuru hone wala 1 sentence banao?
Pinku:-Sir.... 
Masterji:-ha ha batao ghabrao nahi.
Pinku:-Apki Behan Chod Dunga.

Santa:5 Rs Dena.
Banta:Right Jeb se le
(Jeb Fati thi LUND Haath Aaya)
Santa:Nahi hai.
Banta:Left Dekh
(Fir Fati Jeb)
Santa:Bhenchod Rupya 1 Nahi
Aur Lund 2-2.

Ek admi adhi raat ko apni moti biwi se bola ki sisak sisak ke marna theek hai ya ek dum.
BIWI - Ek dum.
Admi - toh apni dusri tang bhi mujh per rakh do.

A man to santa : aao ji chess khelein..!
Santa : tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya..!

Sardar ko Neat peete dekh ek Aadmi bola: Aapne daru me pani bhi nahi dala?
SARDAR: Abe hum Sardar hain,
itna paani to DARU ko dekh kar hi Muh mein aa Jata hai.

Watz d perfect example of both Good luck and Bad luck?
The naughty wind blows the pantyless girl's skirt high but brings d dust along to close ur eyes!

Paddy goes into Marks & Spencers to buy his wife a maternity bra.
Shop assistant says: "What bust sir?" Paddy says: "The fucking condom !!"

Santa to Banta : Muje shak ho gaya
meri biwi ki  chaddi  tere bedroom me  kaise ?
Banta : Par  teri biwi kahan  pehenti hai ?
Santa : Achha ! Phir theek  hai !

Doc 1: I had sex with my patient. I am feeling guilty.
Doc 2: It happens in our profession. Take it easy.
Doc 1: But you know I am a Vetenary Doctor.

For years he thought he was a damn good fucker,
 
but then . . .
 
he found out . . .                 
 
his wife had asthma...

Museum admn : dats a 500 year old statue u've broken..Banta : thnks god.! I thought it was a new one.

Marwadi lady with small busts inquire to Dr. bust enlargment Plastic Surgery karvane me kitna kharcha aaega ?
Dr: 5 lakh
Marwadi lady: Agar Plastic hum de to?

Ladki apne boyfriend se: kya shaadi k baad bhi tum mujhe itna pyar karoge?
Boy- Kyon nahi, arey main to diwana hoon shadi-shuda auraton ka...!
 

MAN: Give me VIAGRA extra dose.
CHEMIST: Why?
Man: 3 girls r comin home.
Man next day: give me IODEX
C: wat happend?
M: This is 4 my hand, the girls didnt come

In Sonia's residnce LALOO finds a DONKEY & a CAT.
To impress her in english he remarks-Soniaji, ur ASS is cute but ur PUSSY is Mind Blowing!!!    
 

SARDAR: Orders a PIZZA.
Waiter: Sir, shud i cut it into 4 pieces or 8 pieces?
SARDAR: 4 hi kar de, 8 khaye nahi jayenge...

Sardar's Wife looking at Honeymoon brochures said:
Let's try Greece this year..!
Sardar asked: Why? what's wrong with Vaseline?           

TENSION
Ladki ne Admi se Lift mangi
Raste me  UskiTabiat
Kharab hogai
Admi Hospital Le gaya
Doc bola
Ap bap ban'ne wale ho
admi ko  TENTION!
Admi bola
Me iska
Bap nhi! Phr ladki se pucha
Ladki boli
Yehi
Baap he
Admi ko aur tention
Phir
Police i
Admi ka medical chek up hua
Report i k
Who Admi to kabhi
Bap hi
Nhi bn sakta
Admi ne
Khuda ka
Shukr
Ada kia
Aur ap khushi khushi bahar a gaya!
0r phir
Socha k
Ghar pe jo 2 bachche hen..
Wo kis k hen.. > admi k0 phir TENTION

Wife in sexy luving mood sayz :
I wanna wild xperience...
Tie me up & do watevr U want...
Xcited hsbnd tied her up & laid d Maid ... !

It takes two things to be a consultant..... Grey hair and piles !
The grey hair makes you look wise and the piles give you a concerned look !!

Sardar giving speech 2 deaf people, rubs chest, touches dick & starts masturbating. When asked he says "It means- Ladies & Gentlemen it gives me great pleasure"

Santa ki wife bed per dono tango ko failakar boli 'kuch samjhe?'
santa : Haa, aaj tu bed par akeli soyegi....
  
 
3 women on train  first ''i'm a YUP, young, urban professional''. 2nd ''i'm a DINK,double income no kids''.  3rd ''i'm a WIFE, WASH IRON FUCK ETC!''

Aasman me kaali ghata chhaayi hai, aaj phir gharwali se maar khai hai,kehti hai wo sudhar jao per galti meri nahi,aaj phir kaamwali bina BRA ke aaye Hai

Sardar wanted 2 get married at 90
He goes 2 doctor 2 check if he is sexually fit.
Dr: OK,let me see ur sex organs
Sardar shows his tongue & finger

Museum admn : dats a 500 year old statue u've broken..Banta : thnks god.! I thought it was a new one.

Santa's wife lost interest in Sex.
Dr.gave him pils 2give 2 wife. He drops 1 in her tea & takes 1 himself.
Aftr 10mins,
Wife: I need a MAN.
Santa: Me Too.
 
 
jagtar bunks office n goes to home.He saw his wife with his boss.He comes back running office and says,baap re, boss ne dekh liya hota to maar daalta,

Aurat chappal wali dukan te." Ek chappal ta dikhao ."
Man " kinna no. ?"
aurat , "36"
Man ,"bibi pehle dimag te zor pa k soch ...,  lain ki ayi aee hai

What did the Sardar do when his girlfriend asked him to bring protection on their next date?
He brought his 3 brothers and 5 cousins with him!

Shakespeare said,
.
.
.
.
. 
Nothing to me.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. 
. 
Did he say anythin 2 u?
Nothing na?
Kuch bola toh dekh lenge saale ko....!
;-)

OLD MAN: After the 1st fuck I feel hot & after the 2nd fuck I feel cold. 
WIFE: That's because your 1st fuck is in May & d 2nd fuck is in December !

Watch DESERT STORM 2009 on ESPN 27, 28, 29th march. At 9.00 PM. 3 part program.

Man to his wife.
U can have sex for 1 hour the way u want it.
Wife jumps , kisses him & runs out saying...
"I am going next door n will be back in an hour..."

Santa's Wife: Aaj tum mere saath  aisa kuch karo ki bas meri cheekhein hi nikal jaaye..
Bas phir kya tha..Santa ne wife ki salwaar mein aag laga di..

How will u destroy a submarine full of sardar.?    Simple...Just knock the door nd they will open it....

70 ways to keep a Woman happy. One is to take her Shopping.  The rest is...     69

One Lady : Did you know that Lions have sex 4 to 6 times a night?
2nd lady : Damn it ! And I just joined  Rotary club!
 

Santa goes to Hospital for advice on Family Planning. Notice at the entrance:"For Family Planing USE REAR ENTRY" He went back home & is living hapyly Everafter.

Try this its really different..    This Math's test can predict ur favourite
IDOL..
try it without looking at d answer pls
Pick 1 fav no from 1 - 9 Multiply that no with 3. Add 3 to that no. Then multiply tht no with 3 again..u'l get a 2 digit no. Add the digits of no n find ur IDOL below.
 
 1. Einstein
  
 2. Amitabh bachchan
  
 3. Dr. APJ
 
 4. Dhoni
 
 5. Bill gates
 
 6. Gandhiji
 
 7. Michael schumacher
 
 8. Hitler
 
 9. Bipin  
 
 10. Roger federer
 
THANKS

Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.

A 3year old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath asked - mom are these my brains ?
Mom replied - Not yet .

On their first night:
Husband: Is it really your first night?
Wife: No... No...Actually it is first time at night.

What is the difference between a wife and a mistress.
SPIT AND SWALLOW

Producer: I'am going to make a Movie, can you suggest
  a
 Heart-touching title..?
 .
 .
 .
 .
 .
Sardar:            'boobs"

After Sex, a Thai girl kept fondling man's Cock. Man: "Why? You want some more,eh?" Thai girl: "No-lah! Just admiring your Cock. I used to have one before."

On a condom dispensing machine, it was written-
"Very Safe"
'Strictly made as per High British standards'.
Someone wrote below-
"So was the Titanic"....

 

Once SARDAR Ji saw a very soni kudi in market and thought....
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
Kash k ye meri maa hondi to main bhi itna sona honda..

Dr implants new EAR 2 a man!
Man-U fraud,U gave me a woman's ear?
Dr:It makes no difrence.
Man-It does!
Now I hear evrythng but undrstnd nothing"
 

Wat a RIP OFF!!I
saw a book in d store whose cover page read:
'37 MATING POSITIONS'
I took it home,
sat in my room,
opend it.
Damitt,It was a book on CHESS!
:-(

Why do Pnjabi wmen hav big boobs?
Bcz dey tke out money frm d BRA 2 gv 4 ARDAS & d Mahant says-
Jede KHAJANEAN TON MAYA Ayi hai VAHEGURU  OS KHAJANEAN NU HOR VADHAVEY

Man calls the hospital to know abt pregnant wife but by mistake dials the cricket stadium. Man:How's it going? Reply:Fine, 4 r already out, last one was a duck

2day is " 1word xpression day".
Describe me in 1 word using the first letter of YOUR name. This is fun. Send to everyone & see what they say,  Do reply me 1st.

Nurse: ur wife just had triplets.
German: Im not suprised. My dick is as big as a chimney!
Nurse: Better get it cleaned then - they're all black.

Marwadi lady with small busts inquire to Dr. bust enlargment Plastic Surgery karvane me kitna kharcha aaega ?
Dr: 5 lakh
Marwadi lady: Agar Plastic hum de to?

WHOS GUILTY?
Wife Dreamin in D Middle of D night,Suddenly Shouts
"Quick, My Husband is Back"
Man gets up,Jumps out D Window n Realizes
"Damn, i m the Husband"

Lifeguard : U R not allowed to pee in the pool.
Santa : But everyone pees in the pool.
Lifeguard : Maybe. But..
Not from the diving board!

Lady:doctor mere lips pe infection ho gaya hai, doctr:kiss kitni bar karti ho? lady: saal me 1bar.!doctor infection nahi ZUNG lag gaya hai

Interviewer- U told u hav 5 yrs of xprience bt ur resume says this is ur 1st job. Candidate- Ur ad said, U wanted someone with imagination.

Dr - Tel ur husband dat u r pregnant..
Girl - bt I'm unmarid.
Dr - den inform ur Boy-frnd.
Girl - I dont hv any!
Dr - den tel ur mom JESUS is coming again...

She: Doctor, by mistake I took an I-pill. Now what should I do ?
Doctor: Quick, within 72 hours, get yourself fucked...!

GAY SARDAR ne nahate wakt bade se mirror me apni ASS dekhte huwe sher  kaha-
"Kya qayamat hai Kya majboori hai"
"Paas reh k bhi kitni doori hai"

A signboard outside a church "Ladies please note- lying in bed naked with somebody & screaming.. Oh my God! Oh my God! WON'T b considerd as PRAYER!"

 

Careful! You could choke on this one.

Defence Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 76 years old.

Defence Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, What happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 20 years ago.

Defence Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to touch my breasts.

Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I certainly did not!

Defence Attorney:
Why ever not?

Little Old Lady:
His touching made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.

Interesting Sayings...

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory.. I don't remember what I chose.

 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

 4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

 5. There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

 6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

 7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

 8. Virginity can be cured.

 9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

 10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

 11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

 12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

 13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?

 A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

 14. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?

 A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

 15. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

   A: Breasts don't have eyes.

 16. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!

Don't copy if you can't paste.

Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in training. Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.

About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar ecided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

His congregation sat shocked, murmuring. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste.

Blind To The Truth

Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane.

Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke.

None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realise they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.

 At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in safe hands after all.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "You know Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

Escaped Convict...

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too."

Office Policy...

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN EXPLAINED!!!

Once upon a time, a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, knowing there were many monkeys, went to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 each and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He then announced that he would buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the villagers efforts and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon, the supply diminished and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the big city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf. The assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that my boss has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when my boss returns, you can sell them to him for $50."The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars.

They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys!

Now you have a better understanding of how the
WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WORKS!!!
It doesn't get much clearer than this........

Jagtar bunks office...

Jagtar bunks office and goes home. He finds his wife with his boss. He gets back to office running and says, 'baap re, boss ne dekh liya hota to maar dalta'.