BOB's the man!

THE BOSS ASKED FOR A LETTER DESCRIBING BOB SMITH:
Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.
Signed: Project Leader
 
A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER:
That idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines (1, 3, 5, ...) for my true assessment of him. Regards

Random Hindustani jokes

Lady – shoes dikhaiye.
Shopkeeper :- kitne number ka ?
Lady – 36 no.
Shopkeeper :- jaao madam jaao, ghar se soch kar nikla karo
Kyalena hai…
 
Husband:- ne sasural me biwi se : chalo sex karte hain
Biwi : nahi ye mere baap ka ghar hai
Husband :- tho kya mere baap ka ghar red light area hai jo to roz
Taiyar ho jati hai.
 
Conductor : baccha ko ticket ?
Rajsthani lady :- iko bhi lagego ke ? yo tho abaar bobo chuse hai.
Conductor:- bobo tho iko baap bhi chuse hai.
To uke bhi free me bitha lu
 
Sardar running behind bus, and finaly catches it n asked driver,
ye bus teri ma lagti hai ?Nahi.
Behan lagti? Nahi… biwi ? nahi. Tho sala chadne kyu nahi deta
 
Sardar go 4 sex with wife
Wife – please aaj mat karo, mera upwas hai..
Sardar gusse se => bhenchod mere lund pe kya aata laga hai,
Jo upwas tut jayega >
 
Nasbandi ki team ko dubara apne village me dekh kar ek budha bola,
" in logo ne connection to pahle hi kat diya tha. Ab kya handset bhi
le jayege.?
 
Ek budha blue film dekhte huyejor se haath ko jatka dene laga
Ladka- kya hua baba ?
Baba- kya hona hai, 30 saal bad khada hua tho
Aaj haath so gaya..
 
Joke guru : do you know what is d meaning of PYAR ?
It's a group of friends sitting around a table in the bar… &
Saying "p- Yar"..
 
Sardar : aaj ghr jate hi biwi ki chaddi utarunga.
Dost : aaj bade mood me ho ?
Sardar : ghanta bhenchod, bahut tight hai yaar,
Subah galti se biwi ki pehan li thi.
 
Husband – sex ho jaye ?
Wife – no
Husband- jewer la dunga
Wife – no
Husband – car la dunga.
Wife – no
Beta so raha tha beech me bola
Meri marlo."cycle" la dena .
 
Sex ke baad aurat aadmi se boli :-tumari bansuri bahut he choti
Hai, Aadmi ne bola _ oh ho mujhe thodi pata tha ke, town-hall'
Me bajani hai

A dad at the mall

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green,red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find dad staring at him every time. ;When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

'Got drunk once, and fucked a peacock.

I was just wondering if you were my son.'

And then the fight started...

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started…

 

***

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started…

***

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...

And then the fight started....

***

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application..

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

***

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who'd think a person could go on celebrating for that long?'

And then the fight started...

Marital Bliss

Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips.

After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a  solution.

She writes:

'Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times.'

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.